She and I have been having an affair for 6 years. We’re both married. No one knows about the affair, we’ve been able to keep it a secret this whole time. I won’t get into why I ever even had an affair, let’s just say I have my reasons so please don’t judge. Recently, feelings have started to grow on both sides at a fast rate. We love each other but at the same time have too much to lose. We agreed that in order to spare our spouses and families we would put an end to the affair. Now, my affair partner wants to be friends. Is this a good idea? Is it even possible?
It has been done before but is as rare as a red-crested tree rat. The best thing you can do is to end all contact. At least for the time being. The decision has been made to stick with your current spouses, which means you want to make your marriages work, therefore you both need to work on rebuilding your relationships. Staying in touch, or becoming “just friends” simply won’t work at the moment. What you feel for each other isn’t going to go away overnight. Distance is the only thing that will allow you both to direct these feelings of love towards your wife and her husband. Out of sight, out of mind.
Don’t give in to temptation. You’ll find it very hard to stay away from each other in the beginning, especially since this has been going on for so long. Stay strong and remember why you called off the affair in the first place.
Often, when someone has an affair, it’s because something was missing in the marriage. We tend to give up on our wives and husbands too quickly and immediately resort to finding the missing element elsewhere. It’s not uncommon for someone to step out of an affair and realize that the special something they were after, was right in front of them the whole time. I hope this will be your case as well and you and your wife can live happily.
What you should do right now is to focus on your better half. Instead of asking whether or not you and your affair partner should be friends, you should be directing all your attention towards your wife, your marriage and your family. I’d love to hear how things turn out for you, and if there’s anything else you’d like to ask, don’t hesitate.
If you’re finding it hard to get over the guilt, Sally wrote an article on Forgiving Yourself for Cheating