Well, you did it. You survived the first date. Initially, you were not certain what the outcome was going to be. Before the first date, you were a nervous wreck — pulling your hair out thinking of everything that could possibly go wrong. Fortunately, in spite of a few awkward moments, the both of you really hit it off. She was really into you and you were really into her. As your first date ended, you even got a kiss — not just a little peck either, we’re talking about a nice 30-second kiss with even a few moments of open mouth in the mix. At that moment, a question quickly came to your mind, “Damn, this is actually going well, how do I secure a second date?”
While you might think that if everything goes well on a first date a second date is a given, you’d be surprised how many good first dates are wasted. Here are six tips to ensure that you get a second date.
1. Plant Some Seeds
After you have settled into a rhythm of give-and-take conversation, that’s the moment when you should start planting a few seeds for a potential second date. A good example of this would be if during the conversation you discover that you have certain activities or hobbies in common — passively mention an event associated with one of those activities or hobbies that is coming up within a few days. Mind you, at that moment you are not suggesting that you should attend that event together — you are merely mentioning that you heard it was coming up.
Later on during the date, if things continue to go well, or at the moment that you’re saying your goodbyes, that would be a good moment to refer back to that event and use that as a reason for going on a second date. For those of you that think this is manipulative or sneaky, it’s not. You can consider it being proactive.
2. Be Consistent Throughout the First Date
A common mistake during a first date is to be inconsistent with your personality and level of enthusiasm. Your date can be thrown off if you have too many peaks and valleys during the first date. In other words, if you start off being very talkative or very witty, and then as the evening progresses your demeanor diminishes, that can create uncertainty in her mind. That could cause her to doubt accepting a second date when you ask.
This is why it is important to pace yourself during the first date. Plan a few topics for conversation, prepare a few witty remarks or jokes if that’s your style, but don’t try to dump everything on her in the first 15 minutes of the date. Like a good flu medication, time-release your best material. (Bet you never thought there could be an analogy between the flu and dating)
3. Allow Her to Speak and Express Herself
There is no better way to destroy any possibility of a second date then hogging the conversation during the first date. Remember, you should always view the first date as sharing the stage for an audition. You are auditioning for her and she is auditioning for you.
Ideally, that would mean that you would each have equal time to demonstrate to each other just how fantastic of a person you are. If your date is timid and doesn’t voluntarily talk about herself, be ready to ask her non-intrusive questions about herself. Ask her about her favorite music, favorite television shows, work, friends, etc. Demonstrate that you’re interested in her and want to hear more about her. Trust us, when it comes time to ask for a second date if she has judged that you are genuinely interested in her, she will be more prone to accept.
4. Know When to Ask
It is important to know when to ask for a second date. Sometimes, the conclusion of the first date is the perfect moment. Other times, a period of repose is required in order to improve your chances. In order to determine the most opportune moment, you must base it on her level of enthusiasm and both of your personalities.
If the first date progresses remarkably well, if she is constantly laughing at your jokes, genuinely exchanging conversation with you, if she initiated physical contact by reaching for your hand or locking in arms with you, then you can be reasonably assured that she is definitely enthused by you. When that happens, you are in a pretty good spot. In those circumstances, you should ask for the second date at the moment that the first date is ending.
If you are unable to properly gauge the impression she has of you. If during the first date there were moments when it seemed that she was really digging you and then other moments she appeared indifferent, then you may want to hold off on asking for the second date at the conclusion of the first one. Under those circumstances, it is best to exchange a few text messages over the course of the next two or three days. Based upon her replies to your messages ask for the second date a few days down the road.
5. Make It a Group Thing
It is not a bad idea to keep a wide range of options open for a second date. If the first date seemingly goes well but there a few lingering questions about your chemistry together, then suggesting a second date in the form of a group outing between your friends and her friends should increase the chances of her accepting. This way, if she feels unsure about you but still has some interest, she will feel less tense about accepting a second date if she knows that her friends will be part of the experience.
This is when going out to shoot pool, attending a backyard barbecue, or other group events come into play. Just stay on your toes — in those types of second dates not only will she be measuring you up, but so will her friends.
6. Make Sure You Want a Second Date
This may sound absurd, but there will be times when the first date goes well but for whatever reason, you really don’t feel like you want to see this person again. In other words, don’t feel that you have to ask her out on a second date merely because she appeared to be having an excellent time on the first. If during the course of the first date some aspect of her personality, or other situation, came up that simply turned you off to her, don’t ask her out on a mercy second date. Trust us, that will always end badly.
— Parting Thoughts —
The key takeaway from all of this is to remember that part of preparing for a first date includes preparing to ask for the second date. Don’t make the mistake of stressing out so much over the first date that you have nothing planned regarding how to ask for the follow-up date. Use some of our tips above to get the wheels turning in your head. That way, if everything goes well, you can guarantee yourself that coveted second date.