The world is divided into three types of people. Those who believe that they are the best lovers in the world, those who consider themselves adequate in the bedroom, and those who live in constant fear and trepidation of being judged as sub-par sexual partners. Regardless of how confidently or how pessimistically you see yourself in this regard, chances are that there are a few things that you could improve when it comes to your sexual performance.
As with anything, the best way to improve your sexual performance is to stop doing things wrong. Here are ten things people are commonly doing wrong during sex without being aware of it.
1. Skipping Foreplay
Relationship surveys show that the time spent on foreplay by couples diminishes over time. This usually happens due to familiarity, attempting to frame sex within a standard routine, or lack of time. Whatever the cause, or whatever the excuse, foreplay must never be ignored. Foreplay lays the foundation for any sexual encounter. If the foreplay is sound and memorable, just think about how great the sex will be. Great foreplay can make for mind blowing sex even if the actual act of intercourse is only “adequate.”
2. Sticking to a Sexual “Repertoire”
No two people are alike. That means that what may have thrilled a former lover may not necessarily float the boat of your current partner. Let’s take as an example biting. For some people, a nibble in the right place at the right moment can be simply toe-curlingly delicious. For others, however, it can be painful and uncomfortable — actually causing them to lose the mood.
If you are committing the mistake of “standardizing” your sexual performance into some sort of routine, stop! Be fluid with what you do. Take time to discover what your partner is really into and try that. Don’t simply assume that you know what’s good based on the fact that a previous lover liked it.
Sex — especially great sex — involves all of the senses. This includes sound. While taking things to the extreme and moaning and yelling to the degree that your neighbor five houses down calls the cops suspecting a murder is taking place is not what we are suggesting, absolute silence is not a good thing either.
Be vocal, say those words that your grandma would have washed your mouth out with soap for using. If something feels good — let out a pleasurable release in the form of a moan or grunt. Not only will this enthuse your partner during the act, but it can actually maximize your own pleasure. Be natural about it. Being with a silent partner is as bad as being with one that fakes their sex sounds.
4. Empty Stares
Don’t be the partner that holds glassy-eyed stares during sex. It’s creepy — like doing the nasty with a zombie. Look at your partner, at their face, their eyes, each part of their body. Make your eyes a dynamic part of the sexual encounter. Your partner will see you as being more involved.
5. Rushing It
If you are one those types that is always complaining about being too busy, if you are always looking at the clock even when you go to the bathroom — don’t bring that dynamic to the bedroom.
“Busy-busy” types often don’t notice that they are actually rushing through sex. Worse, they may not even notice that they are constantly glancing over to take a peek at the time while they are “in action.” Your partner, however, does notice. What do you think goes through their head when they see you do that? Usually, that you can’t even dedicate time exclusively for them. They assume that you are probably thinking of something more important that is coming up. That can be a sexual buzz kill for your partner.
6. Not Paying Attention
Maybe you are the ultimate multi-tasker. You can swiftly and adeptly send a text while simultaneously making yourself a cappuccino and drafting a client proposal on your laptop. Good for you! Just don’t — we repeat, DON’T — attempt to multitask during sex.
Leave your cell phone screen-down on the nightstand and turn off the TV. Focus on your partner, their needs, and your performance. Nobody wants to glance over at their partner to see them taking a peek at the notifications on their phone.
7. On-the-Fly Critiques
Open and honest communication between partners is essential — that is very true. However, there is a time and place for everything. While constructively critiquing your partner’s performance is healthy and essential, that should be done after the act — not during. Post-game analysis is constructive, play-by-play jeering and critiquing is not.
8. Anal Without Preambles
If the both of you are into anal it can be a wonderful experience. Even so, just because your partner is into anal does not mean that you can rush into it. (No, that was not intended as a pun.)
Make sure to attend to all of the necessary “preambles” before initiating anal. If you need further clarification of what constitutes a proper “anal preamble,” that will be a topic for future discussion
9. Constant Requests for Validation (“Did You Like That”?”)
We have already mentioned how important it is to be vocal during sex. However, there is a phrase that irks the majority of people when it is repeated constantly during sex. No, it’s not “your credit card has been declined.” The phrase we are referring to is “did you like that?”
Sex is not a psychoanalysis session designed to reinforce your ego or self-confidence. People that constantly utter, “did you like that?” come off sounding as needy or insecure. Both are traits that are rarely synonymous with being a great lover.
10. Improperly Timing Your Climax
You may be saying, “I NEVER climax prematurely!” Well, a premature climax is only one type of improperly timed climax —so too are overly delayed climaxes.
It’s true, so wipe that “WTF?” look off your face. Great lovers do their best to time their final climax with that of their lover. You know, to create that synergistic explosion of raw sexual release in tandem. So, if you climax too soon, keep going — even if you have to use creative means — and make certain your partner reaches their own climax. If your partner has climaxed, remove all the safeties and jettison all the ballast tanks (you know you can) and let yourself go, man. Great sex should always have a wonderful beginning, a delicious middle, and a spectacular ending.