How to Deal with First Date Jitters
The all important first date — potentially the start of something wonderful. However, the hours, and for some even the days, running up to the first date can be torturous. Nervousness and anxiety can easily reign supreme. Fortunately, there are effective ways to deal with these first date jitters.
1. The Other Person Will Be Nervous Too
Many times we allow the first date jitters to attack us as if we existed in a vacuum. Remember, a date involves two people. The other person is highly likely to be experiencing the same anxious moments that you are going through prior to the start of the date.
Being empathetic to this and thinking of ways to help ease the tension felt by your date will not only help them, but it will also help you. Instead of focusing on everything that can go wrong from your point of view, pivot your attention toward creating a calming atmosphere for the both of you. This will result in your tension being eased and can actually have a direct bearing on the outcome of the date.
2. Don’t Dwell on the Date Longer Than You Have To
Usually, a number of days will pass from the moment that you are asked, or ask, to go on a first date. Don’t dwell on the date during that time. Don’t obsess about what could happen. Stick to your normal routine — be that work or school. If your schedule is light, add a few extra workouts, take a walk — anything to keep you from over obsessing on your coming first date.
Carry this busy routine into the day of the date itself. A good workout the morning of the date is a good way to release stress and get endorphins flowing through your body. These will help you to stay calm in the hours leading up to the first date. Additionally, some studies have demonstrated that people tend to view themselves in the mirror more positively in the hours immediately following a strong workout session. This will boost your self-confidence regarding your appearance — always a plus before any date, especially a first date.
3. Have Something to Do After the Date
A good way to keep the first date in perspective and reduce your anxiety is to have something planned for after the date. This could be as simple as meeting up with a good friend for coffee to do the “postmortem” of the date, or going out for drinks with a larger group of friends. The important thing is for the first date not to be the ending point of your day. Psychologically, knowing that you still have another event to attend that does not involve your date will help you to steady your expectations. This in turn, results in lowered tension. Also, in case the date was a flop, having something to do immediately after it’s over will help mitigate the impact.
4. Keep the First Date Casual
While the image of a first date full of Hollywood inspired romance is lovely, it simply defies reality and only adds to the tension and anxiety beforehand. Try to schedule any first date for a weekday or Sunday. If they can be scheduled in the afternoon or early evening, even better. Avoid Fridays and Saturdays, as well as the evening time slot. The reason for this is that we tend to attach greater psychological importance to a Friday night date than a casual date on a late Wednesday afternoon. This is why the location of a first date should also be conducive to casual conversation. After all, the first date should revolve around ease of conversation. Don’t worry, if the first date goes well there will be plenty of time to have all of those Friday night dates in splendorous locations — just keep the first date casual, your nerves will thank you for it.
5. Take a Grand View
Many times, the anxiety that one feels immediately before a first date is due to obsessing over the minutiae of what could happen. Will the other person like what I chose to wear? Will I look nervous? Will they be up for a second date? The list of questions and inner doubts that one can have before the first date are endless. If, however, you take a moment and reassess things from a higher perspective, you should be able to ease some of those more general fears. Remember, it is only a first date. You are not entering into any larger commitments. It is merely the first chance to get to know each other better. You are venturing forward to see what could be — you are not locked into any outcome.
While some degree of nervousness is acceptable before a first date, there is no need to allow it to become overwhelming, much less should it be a cause to avoid first dates. Remember, by following the tips stated above you should be able to keep first dates in their proper perspective — as exciting opportunities, not anxiety crippling endeavors.
