How Past Relationships Affect the Present One
Relationship issues, even the smallest thing, can threaten an otherwise stable relationship. Love can bring us great joy or great emotional pain. Sadly, the odds are stacked against us to find that perfect other in the first instance, and our choices, when we finally make them, are often linked to our previous experiences. We date people who are familiar to us, who we feel we have a rapport with or an intrinsic connection. It’s not a conscious feeling but often, a subconscious one.
This sounds like a great thing; our instinct is naturally picking out the right person for us, but the trouble is, that every experience -good and bad is stored in our memories, sometimes, in the long forgotten recesses of our minds. It’s not just about our recent experiences; the subconscious holds on to all memories as far back as our childhood.
The brain is like a sponge and absorbs information even if we don’t comprehend it. Maybe we have witnessed abusive or controlling relationships; it might have been scary and wrong, but somehow it becomes familiar. We might witness a parent walking out on the family unit, or potentially walking out on all responsibilities through life; this generates fear and mistrust, or we might experience the love that is suffocating in its protectiveness, and yet we learn this behavior too.
Fast forward to the present time and when out dating, you might not actively choose a partner who would be any of the above, but when you meet someone who seems similar, sometimes, there’s a reason for that. We somehow recognize an element of their behavior and sadly, it’s often all too alluring. If you developed trust issues, for example, this could cause a myriad of problems for any relationship, and it might occur simply because of information gleaned from examples set. But memories often resurface when feelings of love make you feel vulnerable. If you could consciously recognize certain traits in others, life would be much easier.
Growing up, dating, marriage, having children, these are all tough but necessary decisions to make. Familiarity may help us to rush into a romantic liaison, or we may run away as soon as someone becomes too close. We can be so scared to try again that we shut down the moment we start to develop feelings, or, the opposite, they certainly make us overwhelmingly drawn towards someone who could be completely unsuitable. Each dating experience or deep relationship gets added to the list of experiences stored, and these past experiences may prevent the possibility of developing a healthy relationship in the future. These may be reflections of the past, but when those memories threaten to overwhelm, it’s imperative that professional relationship coaching is undertaken.
It’s hard not to let the past affect the present and the future, and it might seem crazy that something you lived through as a child could still be impacting you now. If you want a good relationship and you are tired of enduring the same old negative relationships, it’s important to understand why you are drawn to a certain type. It has nothing to do with looks; it has to do with a subconscious trigger. Instead of being drawn towards unhealthy relationships and accepting it, find out why. Change your mindset, seek advice, and get professional help. A lifestyle coach or relationship coach can be paramount to helping you avoid relationship traps. Avoid potential relationship issues and instead, develop connections with those who deserve to be with you.
