Online Dating in the 21st Century — Gamification, Idealization or Perfection?
As we approach the 21st century’s version of its very own “roaring twenties,” online dating is no longer something that is new. It is now quite literally a part of the dating paradigm. Having woven itself so tightly into our courtship rituals and social norms, it should be no surprise that the way that people are interacting with online dating platforms is becoming more diverse than ever before.
When online dating was still something new, the fact that the majority of users still viewed it as untested and experimental meant that the approach that people took with online dating — more importantly, how they interacted with the platforms — was narrower. In a way, it was more cautious and reserved. The technology available at the time also made for interactions which were more limited, less enticing, and blander.
Today, powerful smartphones, lightning fast broadband speeds, and a society that has become accustomed to integrating all aspects of their lives with technology have created a vast new world with ever expanding horizons for the online dating scene.
Unfortunately, this level of popularity brings with it fear and criticism. It is no longer a matter of whether or not online dating works. It is plainly obvious that it does. Nowadays, the critics of online dating prefer to focus their concerns on the impact and potential repercussions that online dating might have on society in general.
Is Online Dating “Overpowering” Society and Culture?
The dating scene of 2019 is nothing like the dating scene of 1979, 1999, or even 2009. The biggest difference is the ever-increasing influence and prevalence of online dating sites and apps. By that metric alone an argument could be made that online dating has in fact “overpowered” other more traditional or legacy methods of meeting people for short- and long-term encounters.
That, however, should not be equated to a “takeover” of society and culture in general. The online dating industry was born to provide tools for eager singles to meet each other. That original purpose remains its primary focus today. Online dating is not overpowering society and culture; it is being absorbed by them.
Online dating, as sophisticated as it has become, is still just a tool. The fact that it is easier to use, faster, more entertaining and extremely results-orientated does not mean that it is supplanting romance or courtship. Whether you use it for casual hookups or as a way to meet your soul mate, you use the platforms to meet people in the flesh. The online dating platforms are merely the means to an end, no pun intended.
The Gamification of Dating
A concern that is being voiced with more frequency is that online dating is “gamifying” dating. That it is turning it into a video game. That the user interfaces of the most popular dating platforms are designed to emulate video games. That they make users want to spend more and more time on their platforms, not so much because they want to — but because they are addicted to the thrill of it.
While it cannot be denied that swiping left or right on potential matches or scrolling through endless profiles is not thrilling, calling it addictive is a stretch. The so-called gamification of online dating is not a cheapening of the discovery process for potential partners. It is simply a more engaging and entertaining way to accomplish a task that many found awkward in the past.
Being honest, would you rather spend hours in a sweaty club or bar trying to meet people or would you prefer spending a few minutes each day from the comfort of your home scrolling on your device?
The Unrealistic Idealization of Potential Partners
Another criticism being hurled at online dating now that it has come into its own is that it creates unrealistic expectations. That it makes users idealize a profile or persona that is wholly unrealistic or unattainable in the real world. Essentially, the argument being made is that users create profiles — consisting of images and bios — that reflect a highly idealized version of themselves. That such lofty representations inevitably lead to disappointment when they meet others in person.
This argument ignores the fact that it is human nature to want to look one’s best — especially when searching for a mate. Online dating didn’t awaken a sudden compulsion for singles wanting to look their best. That has always been the case. When pursuing a partner one is always pursuing an ideal.
Online dating reflects human nature, it does not superimpose or supplant its own reality over your own. Men and women will always want to look their best and appear superior to others in their dating pool. If anything, online dating actually helps you to weed out the total fakes and losers more effectively than the old way of doing things.
Is Online Dating Perfect?
Obviously, no system is perfect. There will be those who derive more benefit from online dating than others. There will be wonderous and amazing results, and there will be nightmarish tales. By in large, however, the bulk of the people who take the time to use online dating appropriately will find the experience to be worthwhile.
Some will find that online dating opens a door to them that completely supplants traditional dating. It will make meeting people for relationships easier than it otherwise would have been. Others will use it only to augment or complement traditional dating. Regardless, the pros of online dating will outnumber the cons for the majority of singles.
Just as it would be easy to make a list of all of the negative points of dating fixtures from the past — singles bars, dating agencies, mail-order brides, blind dates, etc. — it would also be possible to do the same for online dating.
The main difference would be that whatever negatives online dating has, its redemptive qualities more than make up for its flaws. This is why it never became a “flash in the pan.” This is why we can talk about online dating today as a fully-matured industry and an integral part of single life.
Perfect? No. Is it the best choice available for the greatest number of singles? Yes.
