8 Tips for Long Distance Relationships – Make it Work
When you met, it seemed as if fate had brought you together. Your connection was like no other — kindred spirits, soulmates — every romantic cliche ever used by humanity to describe the ideal couple was insufficient to describe your relationship. Unfortunately, at some stage — life got in the way. Be it for work, school or family reasons, one of you had to move away. There now was a geographic barrier between you and the love of your life. Yes, you had stumbled into the dreaded long distance relationship.
What to do? You could try moping, crying, lamenting or eating unhealthy amounts of raw cookie dough, but there are better options. Here are some tips for long distance relationships that will keep the romance sizzling.
1. Set Some Ground Rules
The majority of couples involved in a long distance relationship didn’t plan on it. As such, they often get caught off guard by the whole notion of keeping a relationship going while being physically apart. Long distance relationships that follow a “fly by the seat of your pants” philosophy will usually fizzle.
It is important to set some basic ground rules from the beginning, while you’re still face to face. First, make it clear that you are going to be in a long distance relationship. You’d be me amazed at how many times long distance relationships turn into one-sided affairs because one partner took it seriously while the other did not. That means (for most couples anyway) asserting to each other that you will remain exclusive, neither of you will be seeing other people while you are apart.
The remaining of the key ground rules involve methods of communication and having an end game — both of which will be covered in the tips below.
2. Communicate Regularly, but Don’t Smother
The first few days and weeks that you are apart will usually be the most difficult. For some people, it may create separation anxiety or cause mild bouts of depression. During such times there will be a temptation to reach out at every given moment to your long distance love. While regular communication is essential in a long distance relationship, it is also important not to smother each other.
Schedule a time that is convenient for the both of you to talk or video chat. Make this a time that does interfere with either of your daily schedules. Before going to bed is a good time. This allows you to share your daily activities with one another and it has the added benefit of being the last thing that both of you do before slumbering.
Don’t feel guilty if your daily schedules do not allow for a full-blown conversation each time. Sometimes just being able to say a quick “goodnight” and “I love you” is more than enough. Also, don’t force yourselves to schedule these phone or video chats on a daily basis. While allowing more than a three-day interval in between such contact is not advisable, there is nothing wrong with scheduling them for every other day.
Throughout the day, one or two texts not requiring immediate replies are also nice. This lets your partner know that they are in your thoughts throughout the day but doesn’t make them feel like you are smothering them.
3. Have an End Game
When entering into a long distance relationship it is imperative that you have an end game in place. This means that the both of you should have a mutual understanding as to where the relationship is eventually heading. Is the physical distance temporary? Is one partner supposed to move to be with the other in a predetermined period of time? How long will the long distance aspect be kept up?
If there isn’t a clear point to which the relationship is building up to, it will be very difficult to sustain it at long distance. This doesn’t mean that you must rush into plans for marriage or moving in together. It does, however, mean that you should be clear as to how and when you will reunite in terms of distance. Knowing that there is a timetable will make a long distance relationship of any duration much easier to bear — and survive.
4. Schedule Physical Dates
You should always have a target date for the next physical meet up. This will give the both of you something to look forward to during those long stretches of being alone. Geographic distance will likely dictate how often these meetups will take place, but be they twice a month or once every few months — they are critical.
5. Send each Other Physical Gifts
We all like receiving gifts, but when they come from the person we love and whom we have been apart, they become even more special. Make it a point to send each other gifts, not just during birthdays and holidays, but also out of the blue. Surprise them with a gift and it will be like you surprising them with a kiss on the back of their neck in the morning.
6. Keep Discovery Alive
No matter how well and often you communicate while apart, things can sometimes become mundane. You may even feel guilty that your communication is becoming routine. You dread that perhaps things are even becoming “boring.”
The reason this happens is because one key ingredient is missing — that of mutual continuous discovery. Those moments shared by a couple when they discover a new restaurant, a new television program — together. An equivalence to this must be maintained throughout the long distance relationship.
This can be accomplished rather easily. If you eat something spectacular, send them an image of it. Include a line saying “you’ve got to try this next time you’re here.” If you see something that you know they will find funny, do the same thing, send it to them. Thanks to modern technology, you can even watch your favorite series together even though you are hundred or thousands of miles apart.
7. Keep It Spicy
While nothing compares to actual physical intimacy with your significant other, distance shouldn’t snuff out the sexual facet of your relationship. Send each other sexy texts from time to time. Don’t be embarrassed to engage in phone or video chat sex. You are adults — don’t be ashamed to use technology to keep your intimate pleasures going.
8. Snail Mail
Perhaps the last time you actually wrote and mailed a letter was back when you still had to lick stamps. Regardless of your snail mail experience, you should make it a point to write a real letter to your significant other while you are apart.
Nothing matches the romance and intimate connection that is conveyed with a real letter. They also create a sense of anticipation — never knowing when a letter might arrive in the mail.
Even if you just do it sporadically, a handwritten letter snail-mailed is a great way to keep the thread of romance woven through the long-distance phase of your relationship.
— Long Distance Relationships Can Work —
The important takeaway is that long distance relationships can work. As long as the both of you are aware of where you are heading. and take concerted steps to keep the communication and romance going — you’ll make it!
