My Sex Buddy is Falling in Love With Me — Now What?

Use whatever name you are comfortable with — sex buddy, bed pal, f*ck buddy. The point is that if you are into casual sex and do not want to be tied down to a long-term relationship, having this type of arrangement with one or several people can be very convenient.

Think about it, all of the benefits and pleasures of sex without any of the “baggage.” There isn’t any need to pay for drinks, dinner… not even movie tickets. When the both of you are in the “mood” you just meet up at your place or theirs and badabing-badaboom, you do your business and then you can go home. What could be better than that?

Provided that the both of you are at a stage in your lives when such freedom is welcomed, nothing is better than that. If, however, your sex buddy starts to develop feelings for you — yes, we must bring up the dreaded “L-word,” love — if they start falling in love with you, then things can take a different turn. The chances of such a situation occurring increase the longer that you carry on with the open relationship.

If you are currently in such a relationship, don’t start panicking just yet. It is not inevitable that your sex buddy will develop feelings for you. However, you should be ready to recognize the warning signs and know how to react in order to avoid awkward situations and potentially hurting your sex pal emotionally.

— The Warning Signs —

1- Cuddling, Hugging, and Tenderness

While great sex involves heated physical contact, when a sex buddy is involved it will usually not include tenderness. This does not mean that you are having cold robot-style sex, but it does mean that you probably do not cuddle afterward. You do not hold each other in tender embraces, etc.

If your sex buddy suddenly starts being more “touchy-feely” after sex, if they suggest that you should stick around, maybe catch something on Netflix or grab a bite to eat, that usually means that they are vying for more than just your physical prowess. That is a sign that they are seeking deeper access to you. They may even utter the dreaded phrase, “I want to get to know you better.”

Solution:

This needs to be truncated immediately. By allowing it to go on, even once, you are projecting willingness on your part. That will only embolden your sex buddy further. Worse, it will fill their head with ideas that maybe the two of you could be “something more.” If splashing the cold water of reality on this situation brings about an end to your “sex buddy” arrangement, do not despair. It is for the best. You will spare the both of you from unneeded anguish.

2- They Introduce You to Their Inner Circle

Okay, you may be familiar with some of the people in your sex buddy’s inner social circle. Hell, you may even have some friends in common. However, whether by design or by circumstance, you rarely, if ever, mingle with each other’s friends. Sure, your friends may know about your sex buddy, your sex buddy’s friends will most probably know about you, but you never hang out together as a group.

If your sex buddy starts suggesting meeting up with friends — look out. It may sound innocent enough but it can have severe consequences. It will bring up awkward questions such as, “are you two dating?” Undoubtedly, you will face that one person who will say, “you two make such a lovely couple.”

Pretty soon, you will find yourself co-existing with your sex buddy, not in the privacy and discretion of the bedroom paradigm that the both of you had accepted, but instead in a twilight zone of couple-related hell. You will feel pressured to pretend to be something you are not. When you bring up how awkward it made you feel, you may find your sex buddy upset by your ambivalence toward the idea of being romantically linked to them.

Solution:

Establish clear ground rules from the very beginning — no hanging out with friends or family together. If they suggest it, remind them of the zero-tolerance policy that was agreed upon mutually. If they insist, you must be willing to call off your sex buddy arrangement right there and then. Don’t just dangle it as a threat — really go through with it. If your sex buddy is so eager for such a social expansion of your “relationship,” that means they have already invested emotionally in you and carrying on with the sex buddy arrangement on our part will be ill-advised.

3- They Suggest the “Dating Experience”

The “dating experience” sounds so innocent that many agree to it when their sex buddy suggests it. Hey, what harm could come from it, right?

Unfortunately, most sex buddies that suggest the idea of dressing up and going out for a formal dinner or to a nice bar for drinks before hooking up will usually do so because they want to draw you into the idea of transcending from a purely physical relationship into a sentimental one.

There may be nothing wrong with grabbing an informal bite with a sex buddy — sharing a beer if you are both thirsty — provided that it was truly impulsive and unscripted. Going to the trouble of planning a formal “date experience” can only lead to bad news if you are only interested in keeping things as they are.

You have dating experiences with boyfriends and girlfriends, not sex buddies. With them, the most you do besides great sex, of course, is just hang out.

— The Takeaway —

From the moment that you enter into a sex buddy arrangement, you must be willing to walk out at any given moment. After all, emotional detachment is at the core of the arrangement. If you are not ready and willing to end things when emotion and sentiment begin to creep in, you will create a doomed situation. Make it a point to establish the ground rules from the beginning. Never feel obligated to reciprocate feelings that you do not feel. Likewise, never string people along sentimentally just to continue enjoying their sexual company. Keep things real and in the proper context.