4 Key Second Date Tips

A first date can be a stressful and nerve-racking event. That is why both men and women invest a lot of time in planning for one. It is also why there are plenty of tips and suggestions written about what to do on a first date. When it comes to second dates, however, the amount of attention that is focussed on them is minuscule in comparison. It is as if second dates were being taken for granted.

Key Second Date Tips

Quite frankly, this is puzzling to us. After all, while a first date is critical in terms of functioning as the first “go-no go” circuit breaker, the second date has the more important role of validating any notions established during a first date and helping to chart the course for a relationship if one were to develop. In other words, a first date is effective at filtering out the duds, but a second date will help you select the real golden nuggets.

Second dates provide the follow-through that is necessary to be good at the dating game. Unfortunately, not enough attention is paid to planning them. Below you will find four essential second date tips. By taking second dates more seriously you might find your relationship status taking a turn for the better.

1- Don’t Recycle First Date Ideas

Second Date Tips - Don't Recycle

You have probably invested a lot of time and energy researching and planning first date ideas. As tempting as it may be to recycle some of those ideas for a second date, you should avoid the urge to do so.

The reason being that first date ideas tend to be structured around the concept of getting to know each other better. This usually involves as neutral a setting as is possible. First date scenarios will revolve around a fixed location such as a restaurant and, for the more daring, a secondary setting such as a movie theater. First date scenarios don’t allow for many opportunities for either party to better express their personality.

Second dates need to be a little bit more involved. They should never be rehashes of the first date. Ideally, a second date should allow both parties involved to be able to show off a little bit more about themselves. First dates can be seen as “relationship interviews,” while second dates should be seen as “relationship performance tests.”

For example, if during the first date it was mentioned that both parties enjoy water skiing, a second date involving water skiing at the local lake would be reasonable. Likewise, if both mentioned an appreciation for art, visiting a local art exhibit would be an excellent second date idea.

Essentially, you want the second date to grow out of the first date, not to become a continuation of it.

2- No Group Dating

Second Date Tips - Don't Recycle

If things went well enough on the first date to merit a second date, some people will feel a temptation to show off their potential new partner to close family and friends. While that is definitely a bridge that you must cross at some point in the near future, involving friends, family, or other types of group dating during the second date is ill-advised.

Remember, the only concrete history that you have with a person during a second date is that which came from a reasonably successful first date. There are still a great number of things that you must learn and discover about each other. This means that the second date — and to be quite honest, the third and fourth dates — should be reserved solely for the two of you. No family, no friends, no groups.

3- Avoid Sexual Intimacy

Second Date Tips - Avoid Intimacy

Okay, before anybody starts getting on their feet and flipping over their table, be aware that we are only talking about avoiding sex during the second date — not taking an oath of eternal celibacy.

We realize that there are situations when the chemistry between two people is such that ending up in bed together after the first or second date becomes almost unavoidable. We are not saying that every such instance is wrong. However, you should be aware that introducing sex into the equation so early can often result in evaluation blindness.

By becoming sexually infatuated with a person, you are going to be less prone to spotting potential personality flaws and conflicts. These could later pose a problem for a relationship. Another way to express this is through the old adage, “a good piece of booty can blind your critical duty.”

If your reason for dating is purely casual in nature, then having sex so early is not much of an issue. However, if your intent is to find a long-term partner, you should seriously consider not getting physical so early.

4- Don’t Be Hasty

Second Date Tips - Don't Be Hasty

By not being hasty, we mean several things. During a second date, you should not be hasty in cutting off a person simply for the date not going off as planned. Likewise, you should not be hasty in accepting the third date if things didn’t go well at a core level.

As with any date, a second date can go wrong for unforeseen reasons. The restaurant might lose your reservation, the weather might not turn out as forecasted, etc. Those little imperfections should not be allowed to ruin the second date. If anything, they can be seen as an opportunity to measure the spontaneity and improvisational skills of your partner. It can also allow for “couple-generated” solutions to start coming into play. In other words, you will get the first signs of what it would be like to be solving problems as a couple. Sometimes the rescuing of a date from the jaws of defeat can result in a much better time being had by all.

Of course, a second date could also reveal more profound imperfections. Things such as personality and character flaws that you may not have had noticed during the first date. You may discover that your outlooks on life are simply too far apart to be bridged. Quite honestly, you should not shut your eyes to these types of mismatches.

While you should not truncate the possibility of a future relationship simply because you do not like the way the other person chews their lettuce, you likewise should not endure future dates if the both of you deviate profoundly on character, moral, or ideological issues.

— Conclusion —

Considering that the fundamental purpose of a first date is to be able to get to a second date, you should dedicate more time to the way that you plan, execute, and evaluate your second dates. You should be aware of how they are different from first dates.

By viewing second dates in their proper context, not only will you have a better time, but you will also be able to chart a better path toward a successful relationship. You should think of second dates as the foyer to a crossroads. A second date is normally still too early to make any final determinations about the potential of a relationship, but they should definitely provide further insight into them.