I’ve been dating a young lady for the past three weeks. I am not exaggerating to say that she is the woman of my dreams. She’s smart, beautiful, funny and with a charm that just woos me like you would not believe. I know, that all sounds excellent… and it is. But, I am facing a conundrum. ( I hope I used that word correctly) I met this young lady on a dating site. The profile that I used on that site, how should I say this, exaggerated certain aspects of my reality. Long story short, I may have insinuated that I was wealthier than I actually am and that I have a job that pays much more than my real job. For these three weeks that we have been going out, I have had to tap into my savings in order to provide the sort of dating experience that I think she would expect of the profile that I used on the site. I feel that she has become as fond of me as I am of her. What can I do? How can I tell her that I cannot sustain that kind of lifestyle? How can I tell her that I am not really wealthy and that my real job involves a much humbler position? I don’t want to continue lying to her but I do not want to lose her either. I am poor and confused and need help in deciding what to do.
Thanks in advance for your help,
“Poor and Confused”
Dear “Poor and Confused”
The dilemma that you currently find yourself in is more common than you think in the world of online dating. Since it is so easy to exaggerate about attributes on profiles, the temptation is always there to enhance your attributes.
This is why we always advise that you polish your profile but never lie. In other words, present yourself as you are the best way possible.
Unfortunately, in your case, you lied about a topic that, as you have discovered, you cannot continue to fake for much longer — money.
Whether you should tell her, the answer is a firm yes. You have to. If not, you will drag out a lie and drain your savings in the process.
Be honest with her. Tell her your motives for having carried the lie this long. Be sincere about your prospects. You may not be wealthy now but one day you might be. Have her see the future in you.
The decision as to whether she remains with you is entirely up to her. You must be prepared to accept her forgiveness or her rejection.
If she decides to break things off, don’t beg her to stay. That would be unfair to you as much as it would be to her. If she does stay, that would confirm that she sees good prospects in you.
Going forward, be it with this woman or others, don’t lie about yourself. Accentuate, slightly embellish, sure — just don’t lie.