5 Tips to Get Out of the Friend Zone

When she needs to talk to someone — she calls you. When she needs advice — she calls you. You’ve met her parents, her dog, and her second cousin from Boise. You’ve even met the last three neanderthals that she called boyfriends. Yet in spite of having been there for her through three breakups with three absolute losers, you’re still nothing more than a friend. How can that be?

While you enjoy — no, you cherish — the time that you spend with her and you value the trust that she places in you — it’s impossible not to ask yourself, “why am I stuck in the friend zone?” You probably have spent many a night wracking your brain as to why she doesn’t reciprocate the feelings that you have for her.

If you’re tired of continuously lingering in this purgatory, follow these tips to get out of the friend zone.

1. Admit to Yourself That You’re Seen Only as a Friend
This may sting a little, but it’s the essential first step. Many times it’s convenient to just let yourself be swept away in your fantasies that one day she will realize what a treasure you are and come running into your arms. Unless you take some steps in the matter, however, that just ain’t gonna happen.

This is why you must snap out of those fantasies in order to start plotting a course out of the friend zone. So, have a swig of rye whiskey or a cup of your mom’s cocoa and say to yourself “I’m in the friend zone and I must get out.” Repeat that to yourself a few times. Well done! Now you are ready to get to work.

2. Make Her See You as Partner Material
Being in the friend zone means that you already have some of the key attributes that she looks for in a man. You are probably very patient, understanding, a good listener, etc. Unfortunately, she fails to notice your other attributes — those associated with sexual attraction.

This usually happens because you either actively try to camouflage your “manly” qualities to highlight your “softer” side, or it is the nature of your personality to be more beta than alpha. Regardless, you must up your alpha game without hindering the empathetic traits that you’ve already demonstrated.

When you are around other people and she is present, don’t be so meek. Don’t become a bully, but demonstrate to her that you can stand up for your own opinion among your peers. Also, when it’s only the two of you and she specifically asks you what you want to do — tell her! Don’t be afraid to assume a decision-making role when she requests you to do so. Otherwise, you will seem like a chronic beta male that is unable to take action. That is a sure fire recipe to remain in the friend zone forever.

3. Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder
The old saying, “absence makes the heart grow fonder,” bears a lot of influence in leaving the friend zone. If you are constantly around it is easier for you to be taken for granted. This usually doesn’t happen purposefully on her part, but if you’re always there — how can she miss you? If she can’t miss you, how can she appreciate you?

If you have already established closeness and trust, there should be no danger that a little time apart will cause you to grow distant. If anything, the time apart will make the time that you spend together more meaningful. It will also allow you the time to develop new interests that in turn will make you more appealing and dynamic in her eyes.

We’re not talking about seeing each other just once or twice a month. We merely suggest reducing your time together to a couple of days in the week, slowly increasing those moments as you ease out of the friend zone.

4. Jealousy Can Fuel Desire
The lack of desire is a frequent culprit in leaving you stuck in the friend zone. You desire her, but she just doesn’t desire you. While there are many components involved with attraction and desire, one strong influence is jealousy.

Yes, jealousy. Don’t remain some celibate stooge sitting on your couch playing video games on Friday nights while she’s out with Mr. Jock Flavor-of-the-Month. You too should be going out with other people. Introduce them to her. Let her see you being desired and appreciated by other women.

This alone will not get you out of the friend zone, but in conjunction with some of the other tips, it will greatly increase your chances to do so.

5. Stop Being Her Sex/Relationship Therapist
If she seeks you out to open up about her relationship problems, or if she openly talks to you about the sexual details of her relationships, it becomes extremely difficult for you to carve out your own intimate place in her heart. While you may feel that being allowed a window into the most intimate of details in her love life should, by default, bring you closer to physical intimacy — you’re wrong!

Physical and emotional intimacy between two people develops within its own environment. You cannot enter the realm of intimacy by piggybacking off the intimacy of others. As long as she sees you as the person that she can talk to about her intimate issues and relationships, you will forever be in the friend zone. The very fact that you stop functioning as her “therapist” can also serve to make her take notice that you might be interested in her beyond mere friendship.

— Escaping the Friend Zone: Final Words —

Some people advise you to address the issue directly with your friend, to confront her with your feelings. While such a conversation will eventually be necessary, it shouldn’t happen until you have taken some sort of concrete action. The tips to get out of the friend zone included here are a good start.

Remember, you can’t simply talk yourself out of the friend zone. If all you do is tell her how you feel, but she hasn’t seen any steps on your part that would facilitate her being able to see you as anything beyond a friend — you are doing yourself a great disservice. You need to provide her with sufficient context to allow her to see you differently so you can break free from the friend zone.