6 Things You Should Never Forgive Your Partner For

No couple is perfect — all relationships will have their low points. After all, a couple is constituted by two human beings. This requires two independent minds having to come together — willfully, but individually, as one. Obviously, there will be points of friction, points of contention — areas that will require attention and reconciliation. However, when the personalities are truly compatible — when the sentimental and emotional underpinnings are sound — the virtues of the relationship will more than make up for any temporary shortcomings.

This is why understanding, patience, empathy and forgiveness are so important in a relationship. That being said, however, there are certain occurrences that fall outside the norm. Situations that enter an area where compromise is not an option. These are actions by one of the partners in the relationship that is so heinous — so hurtful or damaging — that forgiveness is practically impossible.

These are 6 things you should never forgive your partner for.

1. Physical Abuse

Instances of physical abuse not only put in peril your safety, but they also shatter trust and compromise your confidence and integrity. Passive personalities may be tempted to rationalize the abuse, or worse, assign blame to themselves — convinced that somehow they deserved it.

The reality of physical abuse goes far beyond the scope and boundaries of standard relationship problems. It encompasses a broad range of underlying issues — many of which are psychological — on the part of the abuser. While the desire to resolve it may be present, it is best to move on — for your safety. It will also free you to find a partner that truly deserves you.

2. Adultery

Trust is the mortar that holds any relationship together. Adultery is the single most powerful way to shatter that trust. It stands to reason that adultery — especially if it involves a betrayal of both the physical and emotional bond — is difficult to forgive.

While there may be some instances of adulterous behavior being a symptom of other problems within the relationship — and thus resolvable with contrition and therapy — most instances are more cut and dry. They occur because one partner doesn’t value or respect the other. Why stay in a relationship like that?

3. Being Used as a Scapegoat

It is one thing to be blamed by your partner for forgetting to take out the garbage or burning the cheese sauce for the nachos, and quite another to be accused of being the reason for their failed career. The latter is an attempt to deflect personal responsibility for their own failures. In the long run, this will only result in mutual resentment.

If your partner constantly uses you as a scapegoat for their shortcomings, chances are that they will only escalate this behavior going forward.

If you are a supportive partner and your efforts are not only going unrecognized, but worse, your being blamed for that which is not your fault — there is no need to tolerate such indignity.

4. Snooping on You

We are all curious creatures. We also all experience some degree of personal insecurity from time to time. That is a normal part of the human condition. That doesn’t, however, give anyone the right to violate your expectation of privacy.

No matter how long you’ve been with someone, no matter how close you may be — if your partner is snooping on you, that’s just wrong and inexcusable.

If your partner follows you to see where you go, if they spy on your phone or internet communication, if you catch them repeatedly going through your personal belongings — not only is that disconcerting, but it is also unhealthy and can be a sign of a toxic relationship.

At best, it is a sign of immaturity on your partner’s part; at worst, it is a manifestation of chronic and compulsive mistrust. As we’ve stated before, relationships revolve around trust. If your partner feels the need to snoop on you, they don’t trust you. If they don’t trust you — they don’t deserve you.

5. Alienating You From Family and Friends

Healthy romantic relationships involve two people that have formed a strong bond. As tight as that bond is, it is always permeable enough to allow each partner to enjoy relationships with their family and friends.

In some unfortunate cases, however, one partner forces the other to curtail or end contact with their family and friends. Some do this by creating strife and turmoil. Others do so by suggesting that they are being treated poorly by their partner’s family — indirectly suggesting a distancing to take place. Some more aggressive personalities may even deliver a “them or me” ultimatum.

Regardless of their tactic, attempts to distance or isolate you from your family and friends implies pathological possessiveness over you. That means your partner sees you as property more than an equal. Clearly, there’s no upside to staying in a relationship such as that.

6. Chronic Lying

Do not confuse the occasional little white lie with chronic lying. The former carries no intent nor purpose of serious deceit. To the contrary, little white lies are often motivated by your partner’s desire to spare you embarrassment, pain or discomfort. While irritating, the lack of malice makes them benign.

Chronic lying — that done at a frequency and magnitude that makes you question your partner’s true feelings for you — that’s an entirely different beast. This type of lying is usually done purely for the benefit of the person perpetrating the lie — in this case, your partner. No thought is given to how the lie might impact you. This type of lying is often used to cover up cheating, stealing or parts of their past that they want to hide from you.

Call it pathological or borderline sociopathic, this level of lying will understandably undermine and erode all trust that you have in your partner — eventually destroying the relationship. Usually, in these types of situations, you would be the one left with the sorrow and pain while your now ex-partner simply moves on. Do yourself a favor — move out of this situation first.

— Final Thoughts —

Being fine and upstanding people as we know our readers to be — allow us to clarify one thing. By not forgiving the heavy transgressions listed above, we are not referring to the virtuous sense of forgiveness. Rather, we are referring to condoning or excusing the intolerable behavior. We know that eventually — on a moral level — you will forgive your ex-partner. However, as Gandhi once said, “the weak can never forgive… that is an attribute of the strong.” To be strong, you must cast aside those that don’t deserve you — then, you can morally forgive.